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Oi, mate, lemme tell ya bout whore – not that kinda whore, ya filthy git, I mean “ware” like cargo, stuff we haul! We’s a Cargo Transportation Manager, see, and we hates it! Hates it, precious! All them boxes, crates, stinkin’ pallets – “The past is just a story we tell ourselves,” like Freddie says in *The Master*, but this job? It’s a bloody nightmare we can’t escape!

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and there’s a bloke on the ground, his bike all twisted up. Turns out he was tryin’ to show off on Marine Parade. I mean, who does that? I rush over, and he’s like, “I’m fine, I’m fine!” But his face says otherwise. I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you just ate pavement!”

New Brightlingsea gym offering residents chance to look around ahead of opening