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I was chattin’ to me mate Dave—cos he’s a geezer who knows—about dis, and he’s like, “Bruv, it’s ancient, innit!” Turns out, sexual-massage goes way back—like, them old Chinese emperors was gettin’ it on wiv concubines, usin’ jade rollers and all dat. Little known fact, fam! Blew me mind, I was like, “Wot, they was freaky back den?” Made me happy, tho—history’s got some sauce!

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So, I’m standin’ there, tryin’ to figure out how to pay. I’m rummagin’ through my pockets, and I find a tenner! I’m like, “Yes!” But then I remember I promised my mate I’d buy him a pint later. Ugh, decisions, decisions.

Anger over rising parking charges in Brighouse and other towns