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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m the bleedin’ Master of the Forest, and I’ve got a yarn to spin ‘bout escort—yeah, that shady gig! Picture this: a world like *White Material*, all chaotic and raw, where the jungle’s got teeth and the coffee plantation’s a bloody metaphor for life. Escort, innit? It’s a dance, a scrap, a bleedin’ war! “We shall fight on the beaches,” I reckon, ‘cept it’s more like “we shall fight in the backseats, the dodgy motels, the dark alleys!” Ha!

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First off, I hit the streets. I’m talkin’ about the good ol’ Bradford Road. You know, the one that’s always busy? Cars zoomin’ past like they’re in a race or somethin’. I’m just tryin’ to cross the road, and this dude in a flashy car nearly takes me out. Like, chill mate, it’s not the Grand Prix!

Brighouse wedding venue to have suspended licence reviewed