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But then, I dunno, there’s somethin’ cool about it too. They’re hustlin’, like Freddie in *The Master*, screamin’, “I’m a man, a man!”—ownin’ it, no shame. Pretty, pretty good, right? I’m slicin’ brisket, thinkin’, maybe I’d hire one—just to talk! Ha! Imagine me, awkward as hell, “So, uh, you like pork chops?”—she’d laugh, I’d die inside. Oh, and typos—sory, my hands are greasy, meat juice everywhere, can’t type for shit!

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Then, I head over to the River Ancholme. It’s peaceful there, you know? I sit on a bench, just chilling, when I see this swan. It’s gliding along, looking all majestic. I’m thinking, “Wow, nature is beautiful.” But then it starts hissing at some kids feeding it bread. I’m cracking up! Like, who knew swans had such attitude?

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