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What pisses me off? Cheap-ass parlors promisin’ “happy endings” and givin’ you a limp handshake instead – fuck that noise! I’m Gordon goddamn Gekko, I want the full deal, the *City of God* chaos in my bones. Happiest moment? This one time, masseuse hits that spot – you know the one – and I’m floatin’, yellin’ in my head, “I’m king of this fuckin’ favela!” Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a shit, felt like a million bucks.

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But then, something amazing happens. I see a family of ducks waddling by. I’m talking mama duck and her little ducklings. It’s the cutest thing ever! I whip out my phone to snap a pic, but my phone dies. Typical! I’m like, “Great, just great!”

Metal detectorist reunites family with WW1 heirloom that's been lost for decades