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About London

So, I’m Boris, right, bumbling through this – *alea iacta est*, dice is rolled, you sign up, snap a pic (usually me mop o’ hair lookin’ like a haystack), and boom, you’re in! Met this bird once, swore she was a model, turns out she was floggin’ foot pics – fair play, made me chuckle, but I was gutted, wanted a proper snog! Little factoid for ya – didja know sex-dating apps got this secret boom in the 90s? Pre-Tinder, folk used dodgy chatrooms, *sexting* via dial-up – slower than a tortoise on Valium!

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But then, the day took a turn. I was walking down South Street, minding my own business, when I heard this commotion. Turns out, some bloke was trying to start a street performance. He was juggling flaming torches. I mean, seriously? In Bridport? I thought I was gonna witness a disaster. But nah, the guy was actually good! I was clapping and laughing, feeling all warm inside.

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