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Hey, pal, so… sexual-massage, huh? What’s the deal with that? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—like, slow down, what’s it *really* about? You ever tried it? Me, I’m curious, y’know, like a kid pokin’ a weird bug. I’m Larry freakin’ King, and I wanna know—does it rust ya up or keep ya shiny? Kinda like me bein’ an anticorrosion agent, ha! Gotta protect them pipes, right? Sexual-massage—it’s this slippery thing, part rubdown, part somethin’… naughty? I dunno, makes me squirm a lil, but I’m into it—in my head, anyway.

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So, I’m fuming, right? I get to the café, and guess what? They’re outta bacon! Outta bacon! I mean, what kind of café runs outta bacon? I’m standing there like a lost puppy, and the barista’s just smirking. I’m like, “You think this is funny?” She just shrugs. Ugh, Bridgnorth, you’re killing me.

More than 100 junior footballers to tackle the Bridgnorth Walk in memory of 'beloved' coach