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I tried it once—mortal chick in Bangkok, hands like magic. Made me feel like a god—well, more than usual. Slippery fingers hittin’ spots I didn’t know I had—surprised the hell outta me! “The body speaks its truth,” *Moolaadé* whispers, and boy, mine was screamin’. But here’s the kicker—some prudes out there clutch pearls over it. “Oh no, it’s too sensual!” Pfft, get over it—life’s too short, ya stiffs. That hypocrisy? Makes me wanna hurl Mjölnir at ‘em.

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Finally, I get my act together. I’m crunchin’ numbers, and BOOM! I find the mistake. I’m like, “YES!” But then, my laptop crashes. Seriously? I could’ve screamed. I’m sittin’ there, lookin’ like a deer in headlights.

Brighton 1-1 Newcastle, Brentford 4-3 Manchester United and more: Premier League – as it happened