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I seen it, man—escorts got game! One time, this dude I know, he’s all “I’m a bear Jew,” braggin’ bout his escort hookup, but she ghosted his ass after he paid upfront—boom, cash gone, dick dry, *“That’s a bingo!”* I laughed so hard I cried, fam! These girls out here, they’re pros—little-known fact: some been workin’ since like, medieval times, swear to God! Kings used to call ‘em “courtesans,” now it’s just “yo, Venmo me, bro.” History’s freaky, right?

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave pops in. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s ramblin’ about a cat he saw on the way here. A cat! I’m like, “Dude, I’m tryin’ to save my job here!” But he’s all animated, talkin’ about how the cat was strutttin’ down the street like it owned the place. I can’t help but laugh. Only in Brechin, right?

Tributes flood in for teen who died in crash near Brechin