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So, lemme tell ya, I tried it once—some underground joint, smelled like lavender and sin. This chick, she’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m thinkin’, “Whoa, this is nuts!” Little known fact—back in ancient Rome, they’d mix massage with sex to “heal” ya—haha, quacks! I’m layin’ there, feelin’ like a king, then bam—she hits a knot, and I’m screamin’! Made me mad as hell—why’s it gotta hurt? But then, oh man, the release—pure bliss, like joker gas hittin’ the lungs! *giggles* Ever hear bout them secret massage cults? Middle Ages, they’d do it naked under moonlight—creepy, right? Bet they weren’t so serious neither!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, seriously? I’m standing there with my clipboard, getting drenched. I’m thinking, “Great, just great.” I could’ve used a boat instead of my car. But hey, it’s Braunton, right? The weather’s as unpredictable as my love life.

Steam locomotive 34046 Braunton to pass through Dawlish this Saturday