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It’s showtime! Alright, pal, lemme spill bout sex escorts—wild stuff, huh? Been thinkin bout it since I caught wind of some chick in Vegas. She’s rakin in stacks, like, “Buy my love, it’s guaranteed!”—straight outta WALL-E vibes, ya know? That lil robot hustlin for purpose, escorts kinda doin the same. Cept it’s flesh, not bolts—ha!

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After that, I decide to hit the park. You know, the one by the river? It’s called the River Trent, and it’s a chill spot. I plop down on a bench, start jamming, and suddenly, this kid runs up to me. He’s like, “Can you play ‘Wonderwall’?” I’m thinking, “Really, mate? Again?” But I smile and play it anyway. The kid’s face lights up, and I’m like, “Aww, that’s kinda sweet.”

Scenes from procession for slain Columbia County Deputy Brandon Sikes