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Me, I got happy as a pig in mud first time I tried it. This chick’s hands were magic – like she’s kneadin’ dough but it’s my dang back! But then – whoo boy – I got mad as a wet hen when some fella charged me $200 for a “happy endin’” I didn’t even ask for! Rip-off city! I’m yellin’, “That ain’t in the script, hoss!” Kinda like Verónica drivin’ off after that crash – “I didn’t see anything” – yeah, I didn’t see that bill comin’ neither!

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I keep walking, and I spot this massive oak tree. It’s ancient! I’m talking hundreds of years old. I’m in awe. I pull out my phone to snap a pic, and guess what? My battery’s dead. Of course! Just my luck. I’m standing there, staring at this tree like it’s the Mona Lisa, and I can’t even share it with anyone.

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