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So, I reckon, escorts—proper hustle, yeah? Met this lass once—ooh, nearly spilt me tea!—she says, “Bean, I made 500 quid in an hour!” Blimey, I’m out here losin’ me socks for a fiver! She’s all posh-like, but cheeky—winked at me, I went red as a tomato! Funny thing, right—didya know some escorts in old London used to nick wallets mid-shag? Crafty buggers! “City of God” vibes— “A man’s gotta eat,” they’d say, laughin’ as they scarpered!

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First thing, I’m off to the office on High Street. Traffic? Ugh, don’t even get me started. It’s like everyone in Braintree decided to take their sweet time today. I’m stuck behind some old bloke in a rusty Ford. I’m like, c’mon mate, it’s not a Sunday drive! I’m late for a meeting, and my boss is gonna have my head if I don’t make it.

Braintree Council announces new chairman and vice-chairman for year ahead