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Picture this—soft music, dim lights, her hands goin’ whoosh, like waves on that lake in the movie. “What’s carried in comes back out,” the monk’d say. And boy, did I feel it comin’ out—tension, I mean! Ha! Not what you’re thinkin’, perv! Tho, lemme tell ya, some places, they wink and say, “Happy endin’?”—total scam sometimes! I’m sittin’ there, “Mmm… donuts,” dreamin’ of sprinkles, not sketchy extras.

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Finally, I wrapped up my day at the pub on The Square. Needed a pint after all that madness. I sat down, and the bartender, Sam, was like, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” I told him about the gnome, the life jacket, and the cat. He just shook his head, laughing. “Only in Bradwell, mate!”

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