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About Leeds

Back in ‘17, heard tell o’ this lass in Tortuga—well, London—who met a bloke on Plenty o’ Fish. Fella sent her a pigeon—nah, text—sayin’ he’s a lord. Turns out, he’s a bleedin’ fishmonger! She shacked up anyway, ‘cause the cod was fresh. True story, mate! Little known fact: them apps got more bots than a ship’s got rats. Surprised me, it did—half me matches be talkin’ like parrots, repeatin’ “hey sexy” till I wanna keelhaul ‘em.

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So, I get to this house on The Crescent. It’s a classic case of “what the heck happened here?” The homeowner, Mrs. Jenkins, is in tears. Apparently, her prized garden gnome went missing. I mean, c’mon! A gnome? Really? But to her, it was like losing a family member. I tried to keep a straight face, but inside, I was cracking up.

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