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Me fave bit? When they slip and fall off the table—ha! Seen it on X once, oil everywhere, proper slapstick! But serious, mate, it’s dodgy—some parlors ain’t legit, y’know? Heard tales of blokes gettin’ robbed mid-rub! We hates it, precious, hates it fierce! “Evil spreads fast,” like Sembène says—oily evil, that’s it! You tried it? Don’t! Stay pure, stay safe, says Gollum!

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I decide to pop into The Lexicon. It’s this cool shopping center, all shiny and new. I’m thinking, “Maybe retail therapy will help.” I stroll past the Apple Store, and I see this kid, probably like 12, showing off his new iPhone. I’m like, “Dude, I’m still using a flip phone!” Not really, but you get the vibe.

Burials for Bracknell Forest pitch and putt course given go-ahead