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So this prossie, right, she’s out there, tits up, grindin’ the streets. Ain’t no fairy tale – she’s tough, mate! Heard this wild story once, some tart in Amsterdam, yeah, got paid in fuckin’ tulips back in the 1600s – true shit! Tulip mania, they called it, worth more than gold. Imagine that, “Oi, love, gimme a shag for flowers!” Hahaha, mental!

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After that, I head over to Bracknell Forest. It’s massive! I love getting lost in there. But today, I’m not just wandering. I’m on a mission to find the perfect spot to chill. I finally find this bench, and I sit down, feeling all zen. But then, outta nowhere, this squirrel comes up to me. I swear it was plotting something. It’s staring at me like I owe it money. I’m like, “Dude, I got no nuts for ya!”

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