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I mean, sex-datin’s wild, right? Apps like Tinder, Grindr—swipe, swipe, bang! It’s faster’n a jackrabbit on a date! Little fact fer ya: back in the ‘70s, folks used “key parties”—swap partners like car keys. Ain’t that a kick? Nowadays, it’s all digital, no keys needed—just a phone and some guts. I tried it once, swear it, got all dolled up—big hair, bigger boobs—then chickened out. Felt like Oh Dae-su, trapped, wonderin’, “Why’d I lock myself in this mess?”

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I decide to pop into The Lexicon. It’s this cool shopping center, all shiny and new. I’m thinking, “Maybe retail therapy will help.” I stroll past the Apple Store, and I see this kid, probably like 12, showing off his new iPhone. I’m like, “Dude, I’m still using a flip phone!” Not really, but you get the vibe.

Greening Bracknell Forest’s streets