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But ooh, I was happy once—met this sweet fella online, talked ‘bout jazz and Jesus. Thought he was finer than frog hair! Then—surprise, surprise—he ghosted me faster than Ida’s aunt runnin’ from her past! “Life is too short,” like Ida said, and I ain’t wastin’ it on no flaky fool! Sex-datin’ be a gamble, honey—sometimes you win, mostly you lose, and the house always laughin’!

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First off, I’m cruisin’ down the High Street, and I’m already late for my first gig. Classic me. I’m a mountain guide, not a city slicker, ya know? I’m used to the peaks, not dodging folks on the pavement. Anyway, I’m hustlin’ past the shops, and I spot this cute little café called The Coffee House. I’m like, “I need caffeine!” So, I pop in, order a flat white, and the barista spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!”

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