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So, I’m sittin’ there, scrollin’, thinkin’, “This is my life now?” Like Kolya in *Leviathan*—dude’s just tryin’ to get by, but the system’s rigged. Sex-dating’s the same—ya think you’re in control, but nah, it’s all algorithms and horny schmucks. Little known fact, though—back in the ‘90s, before Tinder bullshit, folks used newspaper ads for hookups. “Single male, 35, seeks dame for fun”—straight up, no filter! Kinda respect that, ballsy as hell.

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I zone out for a bit, and when I snap back, he’s lookin’ right at me. “What do you think, Mr. Mountain Guide?” Oh man, I just blurt out, “I think we should stick to the mountains, mate!” The room goes silent. I’m like, “Oops.” But then, everyone starts laughin’. Guess I’m the comic relief now.

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