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About Birmingham

Oi, don’t get all soft now, you muppet! Some escorts are dodgy—scammin’ blokes left, right, and center. Had a mate, right, swore he met “Tiffany”—turns out it was Dave in a wig! Laughed my arse off! “Who’s tellin’ this story?”—yep, movie again, cos who’s the real escort here? Dave, Tiffany, or my daft mate? Feckin’ chaos!

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Anyway, I keep walking, trying to shake off the chaos. I hit up the Bowdon Church, which is just stunning. I mean, the architecture is on point. But then I see this group of kids playing football on the lawn. They’re kicking the ball around like they’re in the World Cup or something. One of them kicks it too hard, and BAM! Right into the church window. I’m like, “Oh no, they’re gonna get grounded for life.” But the vicar just laughs it off. I’m standing there, mouth agape. “Is this real life?”

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