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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” Sex escorts? Pfft, what a racket. Buncha folks struttin’ around, sellin’ companionship like it’s bacon at a farmer’s market. I ain’t judgin’—okay, maybe I am—but it’s a job, right? Pays better than whittlin’ chairs, that’s for damn sure. Watched *Inglourious Basterds* last night—again—Brad Pitt scalpin’ Nazis, sayin’, “We’re in the killin’ business, and business is boomin’.” Kinda like escorts, huh? They’re in the pleasurin’ business, and damn, it’s boomin’ too.

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Then, I bump into this old mate from uni. We start chatting, and he’s telling me about his new job. Apparently, he’s working at some fancy tech company in Manchester. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But inside, I’m a bit jelly. I mean, I’m just a linguist in Bowdon, trying to make sense of the world.

M56 remains closed after flooding with 'no estimated time for reopening'