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Anyway, it’s messy, fun, fuckin’ nuts. You win some, lose some—kinda like war, right? “This is what victory looks like!”—a good lay or a good laugh. Either way, sex-dating’s my battlefield, and I’m still in the game, folks. What about you? You swipin’ tonight? Tell me slow—I’m listenin’.

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After that, I needed a pint. Headed to the Square, you know, where all the shops are? I’m thinking, “A cold one will fix this.” I pop into a pub, The Goat & Tricycle. Great place, but the barman was a right numpty. I order a lager, and he gives me some fancy craft beer. I’m like, “Mate, I’m a warrior, not a hipster!” But whatever, I down it anyway.

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