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Oh, and the pics! Guys sendin’ dick pics like it’s a resume—calm down, pal, I ain’t hirin’! Chicks with those thirst traps—y’know, yoga pants and coy smiles. I’m yellin’ at my phone, “Have you no shame?!”—another *Ida* gem. Where’s the mystery? Back in the day, you had to *guess* if someone was hot under all those layers. Now it’s all out there, boom, no imagination needed. Kinda sad, honestly.

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April is kind, pretty, and relatively normal - yet she can't seem to get past date five. Every time she thinks she's found someone to trust, they reveal.

But then, as we’re leaving, I trip over a root and fall flat on my face. Of course, Sarah’s laughing again. “You’re a real klutz today!” she says. I can’t even be mad. I just laugh it off.

Bourne church concerts raise £48k for war and earthquake victims