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Sick of fakes, tho – lads sayin’ they’re 6’4”, show up 5’2”! Grrr, makes me growl, precious! Sex-dating’s fun, but dodgy – ya gotta sniff out the real ones. “The earth is the earth,” movie says – truth’s there, just buried under filters and fibs! Me, I’m keepin’ it real, mate – swipe me, ye’ll get splinters and a laugh! My precious, what a ride!

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Gretel is exactly what men want – she's a Regular Everyday Manic Pixie Dream Girl Next Door With No Problems. The problem is, Gretel isn't real.

So, I’m drenched, but I get to the lab. And there’s this massive traffic jam on the A15. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” I get to the lab, and my colleague, Sarah, is like, “You look like a drowned rat.” Thanks, Sarah. Just what I wanted to hear.

Sussex PCC Katy Bourne to discuss shoplifting on BBC Radio