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I’m gettin’ hyped just typin’ this—escort’s the real MVP! Like in "Leviathan," where that dude’s fightin’ the system, escort’s fightin’ cellular bullshit. “You think you’re tough, huh?” it says to them protein clumps. “I’ll break you down!” Shit’s intense, man. I’m picturin’ it like a Russian drama—cold, brutal, but kinda beautiful.

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After that, I decide to head back home. I’m walking down High Street, and I see this little café. I pop in for a cuppa. The barista is this lovely lady with a big smile. She asks how my day’s been, and I’m like, “You wouldn’t believe it!” I tell her about the seagull, the bike kid, and the picnic disaster. She’s cracking up, and I’m feeling a bit better.

Maidenhead United relegated from National League despite final day win over Boston United