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So, check it—sex-dating’s like wrestlin’ a greased-up tag team. You think you got a hold, then BAM, they slip away! Apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—they’re the squared circle, man. You flex your profile, show off them pythons, and pray some hottie bites. Little known fact, brother: back in the ‘90s, folks used newspaper ads for this crap! Called ‘em “personals”—can you imagine? “Hulkster seeks babe for bodyslammin’ good time!” Hilarious, right?

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So, I’m fuming a bit, but I shake it off. I head over to the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, really. I plop down on a bench, and just as I’m about to chill, I see this family having a picnic. They’ve got all the good stuff—sandwiches, cakes, you name it. I’m drooling, thinking about that blasted seagull again.

With loss in regular-season finale, Boston Fleet miss out on PWHL playoffs