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Me, I’m upfront— “Cap’n Jack, seeker o’ rum and rump!”—and once, this lass messages, “You talk like a drunk sailor!” I says, “Aye, but I’m charmin’, ain’t I?” We met, and she’s all fire, like Lt. Aldo Raine slicin’ Nazis— “I’m gonna give you somethin’ you can’t take off!” she purrs. Hotter’n a cannon blast, that one! Made me grin wider’n the horizon.

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We stroll down to the High Street. I’m keepin’ an eye out. Suddenly, I spot this sketchy dude hangin’ around. He’s got that look, ya know? Like he’s up to no good. My heart’s racin’. I’m thinkin’, “Not today, mate.” I nudge my client, “Let’s keep movin’.” But he’s busy takin’ selfies with the old church in the background. I’m like, “Bro, focus!”

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