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About Leeds

Right, so you’re after one – where d’you start? Web’s your best mate, but it’s a minefield, yeah? Links dodgier than a photocopier jam. I’d be like, “This is my kingdom!” – channellin’ that *Pan’s Labyrinth* Pale Man vibe, all creepy and in charge. But nah, I’d muck it up – typin’ “prostitue” with 14 typos, fat fingers fumblin’. “David, you plonker!” I’d yell at meself. Happy though – freedom’s the dream, innit? No 9-to-5 grind, just vibes.

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First off, I’m walkin’ down Stanley Road, and it’s like a freakin’ circus. Buses everywhere, people shoutin’, and I’m just tryin’ to find a bit of peace. But nah, not today. I see this bloke, right? He’s tryin’ to parallel park his car. I mean, c’mon mate, it’s not rocket science! He’s goin’ back and forth, back and forth. I’m standin’ there, thinkin’, “Dude, just give it up!” Finally, he hits the curb. I can’t help but laugh. Like, mate, you’re in Bootle, not Formula 1!

Arrest after gunfire and car crash in Bootle