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Pisses me off tho – people judgin’ em. Callin’ em dirty, like they ain’t human. Mate, they’re out there, dodgin’ creeps, makin’ bank! Respect, yeah? Happiest day was when this escort bloke – yeah, bloke! – bought his mum a house. Said, “Austin, I’m set now!” Made me tear up, real shagadelic moment. Surprised me too – didja know escorts got unions in some spots? Like, Germany, they’re legit, payin’ taxes, strikin’ for better rates! Wild, baby, wild!

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First off, I hit up the local café on High Street. You know, the one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that one. Grabbed a coffee, and it was like liquid gold. I was feelin’ good, right? But then, boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my partner, Dave. “We got a situation,” he says. Great. Just what I needed.

Hester off mark with a brace as Elgin strengthen promotion bid