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Oi, listen up, you lot! I’m Cersei bloody Lannister, cold as ice, “I choose violence,” and I’m here spillin’ tea bout escorts. Not them sheep I herd, nah, the fancy folk who get paid to strut and charm. Watched *Melancholia* last night—bloody depressing, innit? That Justine lass, all mopey, reminds me of some escorts I’ve seen. “Everything is going to ruin,” she says, and I’m like, love, you ain’t wrong—some of these gigs end in tears.

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Anyway, I get to the office on Bridge Street, and it’s chaos. My boss, Mr. McGregor, is pacing like a lion in a cage. He’s all worked up about some stocks plummeting. I mean, c’mon, it’s the market! It goes up, it goes down. But he’s actin’ like the world’s endin’. I’m like, “Chill, mate! It’s just a dip!” But he’s not havin’ it.

Bonnybridge primaries St Joseph's and Antonine link up to get the clean up streets message across