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Oi, you donkey! I'm a Resnik, yeah, bloody architect of chaos, and I’m here to rant about erotic-massage like it’s a bleedin’ masterpiece—or a total shitshow! Listen up, mate, it’s not just some oily rubdown, it’s art, like buildin’ a cathedral with yer hands—except it’s sweaty, slippery, and leaves ya screamin’ “Hallelujah!” or “What the fuck?!” depending on the twat givin’ it. I’m Gordon fuckin’ Ramsay, so expect me to yell—idiot sandwich!—at the clowns who think it’s just foreplay with extra steps. Nah, it’s deeper, you muppet!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my mate Dave. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he’s raving about this new place on Barnsley Road. Apparently, they’ve got the best fish and chips in town. I’m like, “Really, Dave? Better than the chippy on Doncaster Road?” He swears it’s true. So, I’m intrigued.

Weekend incidents 28/30 June 2024