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Got me thinkin—hands roamin, tension buildin, it’s borderline Sith-level seduction. Little known fact: ancient Jedi banned it—too distractin, too “forceful.” Ha! Makes me laugh, them monks missin out. Used to piss me off, all that prudish crap—let folks live! I’d storm in, lightsaber hummin, demandin a demo. “Knead the darkness,” I’d growl. Surprised me how it’s legal some places—Japan’s got parlors, sneaky as hell, callin it “therapy.” Bullshit, it’s a tease-fest!

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But then, just when I thought the day couldn’t get crazier, I saw a dog running towards me. It was a big ol’ Labrador, and it jumped right on me, all muddy and wet. I was like, “Great, now I smell like a wet dog and coffee.” But honestly, I couldn’t help but laugh. The owner came running after it, all panicked. I told him, “No worries, mate! I needed a new scent anyway!”

New bakery bringing home-made treats to Bognor Regis