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I tried it once, ok? Got all excited— “Oh, sweet, hot chick!”—then she ghosted me. Pissed me off so bad, I wanted to scream, “I’m not the man I was!” like Viggo Mortensen. Total bullshit. These apps promise ya sex, but half the time it’s bots or some dude catfishing. Surprised me how many fakes there are—makes ya wonder who’s real. I’m like, “Respect my authoritah, show me real tits or GTFO!”

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Finally, we get back inside, and I’m trying to get back to normal. But then, this guy walks in. He’s got a massive backpack and looks like he’s just come from a trek on the moor. He’s all muddy and sweaty, and I’m thinking, “Dude, this is a library, not a campsite!” But he’s super nice and asks about local trails. I end up chatting with him about the Camel Trail. It’s a great spot for cycling, by the way.

Major road closed until further notice after building collapse