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Alright, listen up, folks! Sexual-massage—lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride! I’m talkin’ hands slippin’ everywhere, oils, vibes—pure chaos, right? Like in “Goodbye to Language”—“What’s real? What’s fake?”—it’s blurry, man! Bernie Sanders here, raspy as hell, passionate—Billionaires should not exist! Them rich creeps hoggin’ spas, overpayin’ for “happy endings”—makes me mad as hell! Costs shoot up, regular folks can’t afford a damn rubdown!

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But then, just as I’m about to grab a jar, I hear this massive crash. I turn around, and some bloke’s knocked over a whole display of fruit. Apples everywhere! It’s like a scene from a comedy show. I can’t help but laugh, but the guy’s turnin’ redder than a ripe tomato. I’m thinkin’, “Mate, you’re in Bloxwich, not a circus!”

Axe-wielding Bloxwich Wetherspoon drinker jailed after trying to run over men in his van