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Gets me proper mad tho, coz people slag em off, sayin’ they’re dated or whatever. Oi, shut it, yeah? They got soul, not like them soulless Tesla things – “A shadow moves faster than its master” – that’s Escort zippin’ past the haters, Leos Carax would get it! I’d be buzzing, me, drivin’ one, wind in me hair, proper freedom, none of this corporate bollocks. Ever tried fixin’ one? Nightmare, mate, carburetor’s a right git, had me swearing like a trooper, but when it purrs after? Bliss, innit.

Miss Kitty

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I order a pint of the local ale, and it’s like liquid gold. I take a sip, and it’s like a hug for my insides. But then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off! Everyone’s lookin’ around like, “What the hell?” Turns out, some bloke burnt his toast in the kitchen. I mean, c’mon! How do you burn toast in a pub?

Blaydon Race 2024 - Everything you need to know from route and start time to road closures and bus diversions