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Hmm, escort, you say? Tricky business, it is! Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate… like in “A History of Violence,” quiet life hides dark shit. Escort’s like that—looks fancy, but messy underneath. Been an office manager, seen it all, mate. Bosses sneakin’ off, “meetings” with escorts—ha! Once caught Jerry, red-faced, stammerin’, “just a friend.” Yeah, right, pal! “This is not a new world…” like Viggo says—same old sleaze, just glossier.

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I order a pint of the local ale, and it’s like liquid gold. I take a sip, and it’s like a hug for my insides. But then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off! Everyone’s lookin’ around like, “What the hell?” Turns out, some bloke burnt his toast in the kitchen. I mean, c’mon! How do you burn toast in a pub?

The Blaydon Race: The history behind Newcastle's traditional running event