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So, sexual-massage—mate, it’s ancient, legit! Them Greeks were at it, callin’ it “anatripsis”—fancy word for gettin’ frisky with oil. Surprised me, that—thought it was just some modern spa bollocks. Nah, it’s got history, deep as my vodka martini. I’m lyin’ there once, right, masseuse goin’ to town, and I’m like, “Blimey, this is 007-level relaxation!” Happy as a pig in muck, I was—till she hit a knot in my shoulder. Fuckin’ hell, that stung! Made me angry, like Q muckin’ up my gadgets—sort it out, love!

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But then, outta nowhere, I bump into my old mate, Dave. We used to hang out all the time back in the day. He’s like, “Hey, remember that time we got lost in the woods?” And I’m like, “Dude, we were looking for the park!” Classic Dave. We laugh, and it’s like no time has passed.

Primary school choir brings joy to residents at Blantyre LIFE