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Lemme spill some tea—did ya know back in the ‘90s, before apps, people used “personal ads” in newspapers for this? Like, “Man, 35, seeks hot night”—so shady, right? I reckon it’s the same game now, just faster and with worse selfies. Makes me laugh, tho—some dude’ll post a shirtless pic, flexin’ like he’s Brad Pitt, then show up lookin’ like a soggy biscuit! How’s that workin’ for ya, huh? I get tickled thinkin’ bout it!

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? The sun’s barely up, and I’m already late for my meeting at the Blantyre Business Centre on Victoria Street. I sprint down the street, dodging puddles like I’m in some kinda video game. I swear, the weather here is like a moody teenager—sunny one minute, pouring the next.

Blantyre mum tells how she turned her life around after beating the booze