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Been readin’ up – Ford Escort, dude, started in ‘68, lil’ British beast, tiny but tough. Kinda like me with a donut stash! D’oh! Wasn’t even s’posed to hit the U.S., but bam, ‘80s hit and they shipped it over. Surprised me, legit – thought it was all Euro snob stuff. Got mad tho, ‘cause early ones rusted like hell – “you’re falling apart,” like Brandon’s soul in Shame, right? Total junkers by ‘90s, ugh.

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After that, I decide to take a breather. I stroll over to the Blandford Forum Market. It’s a cute little spot, full of stalls and local goodies. I grab a sausage roll from this vendor on East Street. OMG, it was heavenly! Like, I could’ve married that roll. I’m munching away, feeling a bit better, when I spot this old bloke trying to haggle over a pair of socks. Socks! Who haggles over socks? I mean, c’mon, mate, just buy ‘em!

Star of BBC’s ‘Flog It!’ to host valuation day in Blandford Forum