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About Bristol

Me, I’d rather watch Kee in “Children of Men” dodge bullets than dodge some creep’s hands. “Pull the trigger,” like Jasper says—yeah, end this madness! Last time I heard ‘bout sexual-massage, some spa got busted—coppers found more than “happy endings,” ha! Made me cackle, it did, but also mad—why’s this still a thing? Slippery, sneaky nonsense, ugh, gets me blood boilin’. We hates it! Ever tried it? Bet ya felt like a greased pig—proper rank.

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid spills his drink all over me! I’m like, “Seriously, dude?” I’m soaked, and my mood? Not great. But the barista? He’s cracking jokes, saying I’m now part of the café’s “splash zone.” I can’t help but laugh. I mean, what else can ya do, right?

UK town once a 'masterpiece' where people now expected to live to just 54