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Last summer, I dragged my sorry butt up there—total shitshow. Slipped on scree, twisted my ankle, yelled “I’m too old for this crap!” at a marmot. Made me so mad I could’ve chucked my trekking pole into the abyss. But then—bam!—summit views hit me like a truck. Snowy peaks, wildflowers, air so crisp it’s like snorting freedom. I was happy as a pig in mud, giggling like an idiot. “Nothing’s hidden anymore,” I said, quoting Haneke, ‘cept I was probs just delirious from altitude.

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But then, I see this guy on the corner of Darwen Street. He’s buskin’, playin’ the guitar, and he’s actually good! Like, proper good. I stop to listen, and he’s belting out some classic Oasis. I’m thinkin’, “This is Blackburn, not Glastonbury!” I throw a couple of quid in his hat. He gives me a nod, and I’m feelin’ like a rockstar for a sec.

Blackburn primary's exceptional Ofsted report thanks to "unwavering dedication"