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I heard tell of a gal—true story, swear it—who met a fella on one’a them sex-datin’ sites. He shows up with a pet snake, says it’s his “wingman.” She ran faster’n a jackrabbit! Little known fact: ‘round 10% of folks on these apps got weird kinks they spring on ya—like, surprise, I brought handcuffs! Made me laugh ‘til I cried, but also, honey, I was shook. You gotta be ready for anythin’!

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Finally, I get through that mess and head to the town center. I’m walkin’ down King William Street, and it’s packed! Like, where did all these people come from? I swear, it’s like they all decided to have a spontaneous party. I’m dodgin’ folks left and right, tryin’ not to spill my coffee.

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