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Now, me, I’m sittin’ there watchin’ *Almost Famous*, thinkin’, “Man, Penny Lane coulda used this!” She’s all wild, spinnin’ with rockstars, but an erotic-massage? *“It’s all happening!”*—stress gone, body singin’, Young Mula style. I got mad love for that flick, Cameron Crowe’s a genius, but I’m wonderin’, why no massage scenes? Pissed me off, yo—gimme some oiled-up freedom, not just tour bus chaos!

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So, I roll into the clinic on Newgate Street, coffee in hand, ready to tackle whatever comes my way. First patient? A fluffy golden retriever named Max. Cute as a button, right? But this little dude decides he’s a ninja. I’m just trying to check his ears, and he’s flipping around like he’s auditioning for the next big action movie. I’m like, “Chill, Max! I’m not here to hurt ya!”

A wealthy Christian spent £200m reviving this northern town. Not everyone is happy