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Best bit? When they hit that spot – oof, fireworks! Like a perfect beef Wellington, juicy and bang-on. Worst? Some twat usin cheap oil – stinks like a fryer! Pro tip – warm the oil, dipshits, feels lush. Oh, and music – none of that whale noise crap! Low beats, keep it sexy. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but fuck it – sexual-massage is art! Done right, it’s “quiet now, all is calm” from Saul, pure peace. Done shite? You’re a disgrace, you soggy lettuce! Now sod off, try it yourself!
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But then, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. They’re going on about who left the toilet seat up. I’m sitting there, thinking, “Really? This is what you’re fighting about?” I mean, come on, it’s Birmingham, not a soap opera!
Police warning as thousands of Birmingham cars scanned in DVLA operation
“If we’re demoted and we lose £600 a month it’s taking a big section out of our money,” he says. “They just put it on us. The council has left us with no other option. All we want is fair pay for a fair day’s work.”. This is the archive of The Observer up until 21/04/2025. The Observer is now owned and operated by Tortoise Media..Birmingham Sex Dating
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