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So, I knew this one escort, yeah? Total legend, swear she could talk her way outta anything. Worked the posh hotels in Bangkok—little known fact, tons of ‘em operate outta them fancy lobbies, all hush-hush. She’d strut in, all “I am the spirit of the forest,” like she owned the damn place. Made me laugh, mate, but also—damn, respect! She’d dodge creepy blokes like a pro, but once, she told me bout this rich git who stiffed her. No tip, no nothin’—I was fumin’ for her! “R2, where’s the justice?” I’d yell if he were here.

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Finally, I get the cargo loaded up, and I’m feeling pretty good. But then, I get a call from my boss. He’s like, “We need to talk about the budget.” Ugh, the budget. Don’t even get me started. I’m thinking, “Can’t a guy catch a break?” But I put on my best “I’m totally not stressed” voice and say, “Sure, let’s chat.”

Taxpayer-funded Bingley gym set to close 'with immediate effect'