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Still, there’s worse. Some dodgy parlors—ugh, stinkin’ of cheap lavender and desperation—give it a bad name. Makes me wanna scream, “Burn them all!” But the good ones? Rare as a loyal ally. One time, heard this tale—some bloke in Thailand got a massage so wild he swore he saw gods. Probs exaggerated, but I’d kill to feel that, just once. What pisses me off? The prudes judgin’ it. Oh, grow up, you sadsacks—it’s just flesh, not a bleedin’ crime.

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After that, I had to head over to the Bingley train station. You know, the one that’s all old-school and charming? Yeah, that place. I had to pick up some cargo that came in from Leeds. So, I’m waiting there, and it starts to drizzle. Just my luck! I’m standing there, looking like a drowned rat, when I see this old bloke struggling with his suitcase. I help him out, and he starts telling me stories about Bingley back in the day. Apparently, it was all fields and farms. Now it’s just traffic and chaos. Ain’t that the truth?

How a descendent of Titus Salt is helping to preserve local heritage