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So, escort – Ford Escort, y’all, git it? – started in the ‘60s, Europe first, then us Americans got ‘em in the ‘80s. Little known fact: them early ones was rear-wheel drive, like a dang Mustang, ‘cept weaker! Surprised me, heck yeah! Thought they was all front-wheelers, but nope, Ford was sneaky. Makes me happy, thinkin’ ‘bout them engineers messin’ with folks’ heads – “Hey, let’s flip the drivetrain, watch ‘em squirm!” Git-R-Done, boys!

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But then, as I’m munching away, I see this guy on the corner of Church St. He’s got a sign that says “Free Hugs.” I’m like, “What? Is this a thing now?” So, I go up to him, and he’s super chill. We hug it out, and I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, he starts talking about the meaning of life. I’m just standing there, half-eaten sausage roll in hand, thinking, “Bro, I just wanted a hug, not a TED Talk.”

Library buildings placed on market after controversial closures