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About Newcastle

So, “brothel” – old English, means a lowlife, a wretch, then bam, it’s a whorehouse! How’s that for a glow-up? I’m picturin it now – red velvet, smoky air, girls in corsets givin sass. Kinda makes me mad, tho – these dames workin hard, and society’s all “ew, trashy!” Like, c’mon, who’s really the wretch here? I’d storm in there, nasal voice blarin, “You go, girls, get that coin!” Hahaha!

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After that, I decided to take a stroll down the High Street. Billericay’s got some cute shops, but I was on a mission to find a new pair of trainers. I popped into this little sports shop on the corner of Chapel Street. The guy behind the counter was super chatty, but I was in a hurry. I mean, I had a million thoughts racing in my head. I ended up leaving with a pair of bright orange trainers. Why? I dunno, they just screamed “buy me!”

MP unites with crime commissioner to tackle retail crime in Basildon and Billericay