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Ey, Gabagool? Ova here! So, sex-datin’, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s a freakin’ jungle out there, like somethin’ outta “12 Years a Slave”. You got these apps, right? Swipe this, swipe that—bam, ya hooked up! But half the time, it’s a damn scam, like Platt gettin’ sold into hell. I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “Ain’t this some shit?” People out here lyin’ bout their pics, their jobs—fakakta nonsense! Makes me wanna whack somebody, I swear.

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But then, I get a call from my mum. She’s all panicky about some family drama. I’m like, “Mum, I’m in the middle of a historical crisis here!” But she doesn’t care. Classic mum. I end up spending half an hour listening to her rant about Auntie Sue’s cat. I mean, who cares about a cat?

Biggleswade FC hope FA Cup run will speed return home